Mother of (Just) One

First off, many thanks to those of you who have read my first few posts and encouraged me in this little endeavor– it means the world.  The blog was started on a whim (mostly) but is slowly becoming a wonderful writing outlet for me and a place to store some treasured family memories.  I hope I can keep it up.

Lately, I have been thinking about being a mother of just one child.

Unlike a lot of our dear friends who added child number two when child number one was around two years old, our family has taken a different path.

While I feel so richly blessed as a family of three, I often find myself wondering and worrying about parenting future children.  How will I possibly juggle it?  What will our days look like?  Silly questions for right now, aren’t they?

It may be natural, but they are silly when they cause me to miss out on savoring these days of just Audrey and me.  I don’t want to look back on this season of just the two of us and wish I had really enjoyed it instead of worrying about hypothetical futures.

Never again will I have the chance to parent (just) one curious little two year old by reading books (uninterrupted!) every morning or by having time to sit and talk to her as she slowly wakes up from a nap.  The future will hopefully bring many blessings, but they will be different from these blessings.  And I don’t want to miss these while they are here.

Please, please, please don’t hear me saying that I am against having multiple children.  My husband and I both come from families with siblings and we very much want Audrey to have siblings one day, too.  I just want to enjoy the blessings of this season for what they are.  I don’t want to miss out on being a mother to one.

_____

Other mamas (and papas), do you ever find yourself unable to enjoy the present because you are worrying about hypothetical futures?  What do you do to savor the present?

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11 thoughts on “Mother of (Just) One

  1. Sometimes it’s hard for me to savor the moment; too–I often get caught up in what comes next or what hasn’t been done yet that should have been done. It can help to consciously tell myself to savor that snuggle, that walk by the pond, that story from the four-year-old. It’d be nice if this savoring came automatically (and sometimes it does; just now always) but stepping back and forcing awareness does help.
    Enjoy this precious season!
    Looking forward to reading more!

  2. Such a good reminder to truly cherish your time with hour first born!! And yes I know exactly how you feel! But I try to encourage myself to treasure the times of her being small and relying on me 247. Because I know one day she will grow up! At this infant stage her smiles and snuggles are such wonderful times!

    • Yes, enjoy those giggles and coos while you can, April! This infant season can be so hard and I’m so glad you’re able to savor the good parts, too. Blessings to you and little Mae!

  3. Courtney, I love what you are doing with your blog. Your little girl is so precious. I have such wonderful memories of the 3-1/2 years when Ben was our only. Lots of travel and local outings, sweet conversations, and uninterrupted together time. Enjoy!!

  4. I remember the days when it was just Joelle and me … all day long, while Ken worked, we “read” books, played dress up and enjoyed moments that too quickly slipped away. At times I thought those same thoughts you penned in this post … but, I also learned to keep those questions at bay by staying in the moment. It was nearly 5 years before Gregory came along and the pattern of our days changed, in a good way, of course. But, I am so very thankful for those years with (Just) one! Today, my daughter’s company is some of the finest company I keep. I’d like to think it’s because we “grew up” together as mommy and daughter in those early years. Keep writing ~ it is such a pleasure to read your thoughts.

  5. I love you Courtney! Even though I’m not a mom yet, I really enjoy reading your thoughts and seeing pictures of Audrey. You are both so beautiful. =)

    By the way, this is a good post for me too. A few times I’ve caught myself worrying about the future and how difficult taking care of a house and having kids will be. I’m not supposed to be raising a child when I’m seriously ill and in bed! Of course it’s going to feel overwhelming!

    I also find that the anticipation of something hard is often worse than the thing itself. Your worst fears aren’t quite so bad when you’re in them. There’s often a peace that accompanies the realization that this is happening and there’s nothing you can do about it—like getting into an MRI machine, waiting for hours at the ER, getting needles stabbed deep into your back or tubes threaded up your arm. It just is what it is.

    • We love you too, Ana! If anyone knows about battling fear, it is you. Thank you so much for your wise words. I so agree that anticipating is often worse than the actual event. We are praying for you today!! Hugs from Boston.

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